If the feeling I had then were real, you would’ve been lying here next to me right now.. I have never been as happy as I was under that short period of time when I had you by my side.

You were perfect and everything I had ever dreamt of. Half a day after meeting you I had a consistent flow of butterflies in my stomach due to the knowledge of your existence. . You became my key, my warm summer and you fixed me up like a world leading surgeon. I awoke with a smile on my face that nothing could sweep away – I became indestructible. I could’ve never guessed that you would become that one thing that ever has managed to destroy me completely.

Some days I’m glad that I met you; that I actually had the chance to feel what I felt. Those days I’m not sad, I don’t cry, and there is no aching in my chest that refuses to let go. I know that I’m young and that there will be others. But you were my first and I don’t believe that I’ll ever get over you. I do believe that I’ll only accept the fact that you’re no longer in my life – but I’ll never be neutral against that thought. It doesn’t matter that you’re ill, that you don’t want me or that you made me just as sad as happy – you’re still the most beautiful thing I’ve ever had. The scar I gave you eventually stopped hurting and healed and then left a deformed and destroyed part of your skin. That’s exactly what will happen to my heart. One part will always belong to you. One part will remain as a scar, that don’t necessarily ache all the time, but will stay destroyed forever.

You’re still the one that pops up in my mind as soon as anything or nothing at all happens. When I’m lying here in my bed, alone and tired, you’re the one I want beside me.  It was you I would’ve wanted beside me, that you were the one I shared that experience with. But you are gone. I don’t share anything with you anymore. I have no idea what you are doing, how everything went, if you like it, your dreams, plans and visions for the nearest future. And maybe that’s good. I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore.

Writing this is yet another try for me to heal. Just like you, I heal and deal with everything that happens to me by writing it down. All I want for now is to get my bleeding, open wound to turn into that scar. I’m standing at the very same place I did that night we said goodbye for the very last time, and I feel that it’s time to take care of this. I still got so many unanswered questions, I’ve been analyzing everything we said and done, I still dream about you and is still hoping that you will turn up and acknowledge that everything was a mistake. But I’m smarter than that. One part of me knows that it never will happen. It isn’t my job to fix you. I now realize that the instant moment I told myself that I would be the one fixing you… That is the moment I turned myself and my own worth down. You have to fix yourself. And when that day comes, when I see you with a woman that will have you in the way I wanted you, I will break one last time. And after that, it’s my turn to be happy.

Thank you for sharing . I feels you :)

Dear SL , 

From someone who claimes that I was perfection in their eyes , from someone who stated they never wanted me to leave , he left . He tossed me aside , feeling invested , heart claimed , he left . He said we needed  break , said he wasn't feeling what we had anymore . And for so long I blamed myself , so many tears have I spilled . So many bruised cover my heart. 

So I wonder , when you walk down the road you took when you left , will you ever stop dead in your tracks and want to run back to me ? Will sorrow fill you up and tip you over and have you trying to wipe away all thesadness that has filled you up ? Will you miss me and my pure love ? Will you come back and snuggle next to me ? More importantly , in your heart - was that the best choice you made ? To leave someone who loves you , because truth be told , I still yearn for you . 

Do you know that missing someone you'll never see again is torturing and hurt so deep ? :)


Every night I sleep , every morning I open my eyes ,the memory still remains . Knowing heartfully it'll cause pain , but I'm still missing you.My feet move forward while my heart is frozen. Eventually I had to find courage to move on . Can't imagine going through life without someone you really love. But that's ok . I'm fine and used to that :)




-slyvesterlian 04/1/2012-

Katakan saja, jangan kau 
Bila diriku tak lagi di hati
Kenanglah aku pernah singgah di hati
Mesti sekedar mengukir hatimu

Sepi hatiku, galau jiwaku
Saat kau katakan putus dengan aku
Sepi hariku tanpa dirimu
Menemani aku galau

Jangan katakan kisahmu saat ini
Karena bisa sakiti hatiku
Kenanglah aku pernah menjaga hatimu
Meski hanya kau dan aku yang tahu

Sepi hatiku, galau jiwaku
Saat kau katakan putus dengan aku
Sepi hariku tanpa dirimu
Menemani aku galau

Sepi hatiku, galau jiwaku
Saat kau katakan putus dengan aku
Sepi hariku tanpa dirimu
Menemani aku galau

Ssepi hatiku, galau jiwaku
Saat kau katakan) putus dengan aku
Sepi hariku tanpa dirimu
Menemani aku galau

In my search for freedom
And peace of mind
I’ve left the memories behind
Wanna start a new life
But it seems to be rather absurd
When I know the truth
Is that I always think of you
Someday someway
Together we will be baby
I will take and you will take your time
We’ll wait for our fate
Cos’ nobody owns us baby
We can shake, we can shake the rock
Try to throw the picture
Out of my mind
Try to leave the memories behind
Here by the ocean
Wave’s carry voices from you
Do you know the truth
I am thinking of you too

Love

Love .

Sometimes we need to know that any heartbreaks taught us to be much stronger . 'guy meets you , woo you , both fall in love , misunderstanding, break up .- Most 'love story ' start  that way. So ya , a lil' bit background of mine.

I met this guy who was same age with me and we dated for ( not to be mentioned :p ) Things haven't always been so easy , yeah -  long distance relationship.

So , we had our 'first date ' and met at MCD ( hahahaha , jyeah) and I still remember that he wore jeans and a T with blue stripes.  ( The rest biarlah rahsia ~HAHA ) .To tell you , it's so sad to wished a very 'bittersweet goodbye to him . And yea , it was a day before he headed back to Kuala Lumpur .

So , just like a  normal couple do ,we kept texting , otp etc . Our relationship,  It was perfect . But ya , as the years goes by , things became so strained  between us . So , finally break up happened after decided that we could never truly work .  I couldn't imagined my life without him ( zz zz zz ) . And . being alone was the toughest of all my life . so terrified me . still do .

Someone told me he got a new girl which he's in love with . No wondered my texts never get replied :) I don't want to believe but I have too. And ya , maybe that girl has everything that I don't have and ,so simply and fast he replaced me with that girl . I knew he gonna leave me someday and it just happened .

He will never be replaced for now .Still love him even so much hurting . But ya , best wishes for both of you. God bless.

As promised and requested , I'm back to blogging . It's been so long * over a year I think* since the last updated . Well yeah , I messed up here . haha  readers gone , ya  ? :P Forget that , talking about LIFE .life lately . is - meh  yea , i means , is good . yea right -..- .

I'm not really good in blogging anymore

yea , to tell ya . My mind was so blank but ya , I'm trying -.-

ah .

again .
To be mentioned once again ,yea .life lately seems to be  so la la haha :P * If you were taking Germany Language , you know what I mean* Enstchuldigung ladies and gentlemen ,I'm not going to translate it :P credit to myself :P 

University Life .
Life is busy . Assignments ,Arts, Multimedia , History etcs .Plus , staying outside the campus. That's killing . Exhausting .  I had a lots of ASSingments to do and facebooking and sleeping was definitely on the list haha !  Love them , must say :) You jealous enough ? :3 Okay , back on it , am  normally doing the assignments a day before 'the' due date . ngahaha ! youthinkimgeniusenough?youjudge,bitte! :) 

Dean's List . I can , but I won't . Lazy enough to be lazy :P

Jam packed in every semester  and you know, sometimes you just need to give your mind a break .

Here are a few things I'v been getting up to this year :D

• Malacca'sTrip 

Jonker Street :D


Back in April , I and the girls and 'a boy ' ( hahhaha ) began our trip to Malacca  , also kown as
a historical city . Travelled to Malacca for 2 days 1 night was overwhelming and ohh-sem . That feelings you have when your parents is not around HAHA * bad * But trust me  mummy daddy , I'm a good girl :)

                                 
                                 
                                 
 So-called ' shopping in Malacca ,  Jonker Street is one of my favorite place ! With various kinds of stalls  , peoples surroundings ,  needless to say , it was filled with excitement .  :) It was a great ' friendfamily' vacation . Johore trip after Malacca .


p/s : More pictures in facebook . You just lucky enough to have me in your friendlists ! HAHA

I promise to catch's up with y'guys sooner . Take a deep breath and stop here .To be continue .

Have a lazy monday haha God bless

xoxo :*

Life seemed like a roller coaster which just kept plunging downwards , okay , a lot has happened since I stop updating you guys hewhewhew 3 4 months eh ? Anyway , I turned 20 on the 20th Nov ,last two weeks :) and I can honestly sincerely say I had a very2 'great' time. :P

So ,nothing out of ordinary happened today , as always ,  the day started off like any other. .I'm currently busy with assignments and assignmentsss   and assignmentssss and university's activities These activities really get my mind off everythings ,must say (:

Well , I just wish I could turn back time :(  I hate this place ,my surroundings . I'm not going to explain in details , just let it be. Let's be simple . I hate everythings. 

UPU Result ? Local University ? -..-

OKAY THEN  ,see ya 'very soon' KELANTAN  .

Thank you Lord . I'll do my very best .First-Class Degree .Bachelor of Heritage Studies with Honors.Amen . Whatever plans I have in my mind , Yes , I'll SURRENDER all to you Lord .Amen .

Thank you for sharing your facebook with me honey :)

oh yeah ! at last !!!! :D

yeay .come to mama .come to mama

mwehehe !! :D

Sudah siap repair .tadaaaa xD

wuina .Miss d laptop so much ! :D

kbye :D

Note . Note . Note .

Maybe , I have caused you too much pain , guessed so :) Maybe telling the truth would you'd understand me better :) Do you remember our last conversation ? I haven't forgotten about that . Perhaps you'd like me to leave you alone for a moment to think through what we've talked last night ? All right , then :)

Another Friday and it's Gawai babeh :) Happy Gawai to all Sarawakians  , Gayu Guru Gerai Nyamai :)

Ku kirum ke kilum pinang laka,Di piet dara mit bnama Jara, Dlm gemaan priuk temaga, Ku psan ngena tmeran tali smaya,Madah ke bulan nyau kleman udah nyata, Madah ka taun chukup ibun abis maya, Ku nyampi ke semua kitai, gayu guru gerai nyamai, betuah blimpah, bulih puli bisi jereki, bulih duit bulih ringgit,Bekebung baka langit btuchung bka bukit gayu ku sentuku gerai ku sempandai...Oh ha...slamat gawai 2012.GAYU GURU GERAI NYAMAI

Hey , I'm back . I'm coming home , babe . coming homee ! HAHA

And this was quite fun .   yeah . To tell ya :)

Headed to Kuching last tuesday night with ze sisters . Thanks God kay , me and the girls has been selected for interview at UITM Samarahan  for education programmes in IPTA  yaw ! To be mentioned here once again , I have a terrible feeling once I start checking my name on UPU * I do mentioned this on my last post .ngehehe ! Thanks God .We did it :) It's going well so far :) We stayed in Taman Vista Aman , just next to Uitm so it's easier for three of us  :)x

I'm totally out of words . Next time kay readers :)
Lovelove .God bless ! :)

The truly is . I can't sleep ! ngok ! HAHA 

Saturday dawned hot and sunny  .grrr -.-' 

Morning Shenna , Morning Saturday so . .  what's plans for today . Actually nothing . I'm waiting for something and I scared like hellas . kayy, should not blogging about this HAHA I'm too scared okay :) God bless me abundantly and yeah you too :)

She'll be fine . -.-''

kbye .mwhehehe ! :3

I want to know what's in your head , Marybelle Shenna Bernadette !

I suppose I must have been thinking about him :')

This Girl..yeahh This Girl .
She wished she could take the few last months back . She knew this boy , he was funny one ,annoying .And , he's lovely :) Still do . :D But here's the thing . She had no idea at all what he'd done . O f course , she felt dissapointed . Things were supposed to be okay right now , but they showed no sign of doing so . It doesn't sound easy  . She confused of everything .


p/s : This Girl is me . Dear Boy , call me ;) I miss you .


love ,
mshennabernadettexoxo

I know you do . Me too , kinda dissapointed too , sister :'(

Eh Hi everyone (:  , How's life so far ? Sorry for not updating you guys lately hihi , It's just I'm too lazy  to blogging . Love to everyone kay ♥   Erm , let's see , nothing has changed since the last updated . yeah , so right * I'm lying :P   Well , daddy went to Singapore and his next destination is to Vietnam ,  mummy , as always , busy with her work , and then the brother went to Form 6 .NGAHAHA okay . He was being forced by daddy to entered the Form 6 . With 1A+ , 3A , 4Bt , 1B , he'd rejected by  UPU . So sad kan brother , sabarlah ~ HAHAHA -.-''

and then , Me myself ? I would like to  take this opportunity to congratulated myself for gaining 3kg in 3weeks. yeahman , I'm getting fat and I 'loved' it :P blerh -.-' For sure , I looked so 'cute' HAHA -.-' grrr 'no doubt ' . awak awak sekalian jangan jeles ye , ~ :PP budu ~ HAHA The numbers of my weight were huge - not to be mentioned here , secret doe ! :p p/s : I knew that people who wanted to lose weight sometimes went for diet or even to  slim center but not me :) wek . Enough with the diet diet things , let's move to another topic yeah ! :)

fat yeah ? :P

Love ? ♥

Like always , normally ,I'd kept pouring all my feelings here , inside this blog .Maybe this one would be the 'last' note for you , honey(:  because I had no choice , my patience has a limit , I have too , darling :(  This girl doesn't know what she wants  . There was only one thing I'd miss all these months ,our 2011 friendship  :) I missed the old you , yeah I know , we'll never be exactly the same again . I know that . haha everythings should be okay . I'll going to miss ya boy :)

Future ? x_x

pftsss . dupdapdupdap . I was curious . I was nervous . I was scared .  我疯了 HAHA  -.-''
Ji xing gao zhao blerkk ! :p


Shall stop here . God bless xD

Marybelle Shenna Bernadette Skem

30042012

Wished for child , God's Grace , Strong Bear :)

Hey there again . Asapberasap ? HAHA crazy LOL like whaaattt :P so I left the title empty because I can't think of what the title should be . And anyway , I'm bloody bored here .Gosh ! extremely bored lah . I missed my kids .HAHA ep ep my students okay ? LOL well , since it's my first chance as a substitute teacher , to tell you , I'm not really capable of it , I mean , I've messed alot. OK .the truth is , itsa quite hard to handles the students HAHAHA so ,  I started off just doing a 'small ' tasks . Seriously , I don't really understand some of the terms they're using .But thanks God  ,it's going really well . At least , in this age -19y6M I've gained a lot of experiences before the real career aite ! Kay , forget this . I've been selected to sit for MEDSI  ( Malaysian Educators Selection Inventory ) this saturday . Well , MEDSI  is a selection test for entry in education programmes to local institution of Higher Learning ( IPTA ) You get my point now *big smile , not yet *___* So far, I haven't prepared anything yet ,so I hope that I and d girls do well this coming saturday . AMEN . * my confidence growing okay but I scared like cirit to the max .HAHA -.-''   Take deep breaths Shenna . ngehehe xD  Here we goes again , I kept thinking about my future  ,HOHO I always known I wanted to be a teacher . gah  so MEDSI is the 'only' opportunity for the time beings , so better do the best .No playplay harrr xD But there's something that was really ticks me ticks me off doe -.-' What if I Fa** . I always knew something like this 'was going ' to happen ,c'mon  I'm not that perfectionist babeyh ! And of course now that I think of it ,  I'm starting to feel like the stupidos . * belum apa2 sudah menyerah aite -.-'' * obviously , I get the feeling  -.-' boo Shenna . I've been blabbering nonstop aite . HAHA Back to the main point , I've never done anything to make my parents proud of me . LOL err . Maybe they used to be proud of me , just Im the stupid one that doesn't realized . I was actually planning on how my life 'should-be' in the future . No , you don't Shenna .  I'd have to be pretty more disclipined which means , don't be 'too' lazy to be a successful person .*I'm lazy and I knew it . duh . I always have that fear feeling of being rejected by IPTA .  I have a horrible feeling once I start checking my name on UPU blablabla .  I scared to hellas ! You can imagined how I felt  -.- sounds so lame aite ? :P  hahh , I don't really want to talk about it but ..  God , I know what I'll do and Amen , whatever plans I have in mind , I surrender all to you and halleluia  I'll be the person that I want to be .

2010/2011 Prefectorial Board

big boss .HAHA Choon Man

Head Prefect

we :)

Majlis Tertinggi .

Choon Man , Iqbal ,doris , Tya , Soon Choi , Jeremy ,Karen , Me , Girage , cikon ,

song jing , rose ,abble , valentine , janet :)

I miss everythings ! sob sob tsk tsk :((

Shall stop here :) Good night darlings!
Thanks for reading yea :D
Be blessed !xoxo

Nana .*_*

Wazzaappppppp ! HAHA hey , hello . Haven't heard from me such a very long time ,aite ? :D Wee, everybody knows  I'm lying :P  Well ,  let's start . There's nothing much  has changed since I stopped updating you guys . Its just things have been getting worst . :( I'm extremely dissapointed with someone who used to be my 'boyfriend ' , also known as  kawan lelaki bukan 'gerek' okay .P I'm completely 'a stranger ' to him , haih you see . Honestly , everythings seemed to be wrong .But that's okay , I'm doing fine . yeah . So 'fine ' . Time flies , peoples also changed . Dear boy ,  I'm stuck  with a question without an answer . Unanswered question .  I pretended to be okay and sometimes , I just hoped things would be different . Sadly , I-stillsayangyou-maybe . Everybody makes mistakes , darling . I accepts your past . I knew you're lying when you said that you don't  make any ******* with the girl on our last conversation - as expected ,   . Too bad darling , I still kept our old messages on Facebook , look you get my point . I told you , I ACCEPT your PAST don't you realized it ? No , you don't . Then again , haih I hate this part  duh and I'm wondering how you feel about me -.- oh Gawt , I sound like doubting your 'love' . but don't get me wrong .It wasn't as bad as your thought.  Sincerely  ,its really ticks me off doe .Sorry for asking too many question that night and thank you for being honest darling. To lose someone I loved , and it happened , again .  kayy lah ,As you requested , I'm a stranger and always be . Smile even it hurts , pretended like  nothing happens . God bless .

your stranger ,
nana .

Life with MUSIC ART TRADITION ~ :D

Me in Ulu traditional Costume

Me and the sisters :D

Me in Iban traditional Costume

Us :D

phewitsssss ~ the welcoming dancers :P

 

the beauty of dayak peoples :D

With YB Fatimah Abdullah .

phewitttt ~ the girls in ulu constumes .